


Family Found Along the Way

by sailorstar165



Series: Allen's Life at the Circus [2]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Allen Needs a Hug, Cross Marian's A+ Parenting, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lavi in later chapter, Lenalee Lee in later chapter, Minor Original Character(s), Original Character(s), child allen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22115128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorstar165/pseuds/sailorstar165
Summary: What if there was someone else there for Allen after his father's death?Cross hadn't expected the force of nature known as Raine Sanders, circus leader and current guardian of Allen.
Relationships: Allen Walker & Original Character(s), Cross Marian & Allen Walker
Series: Allen's Life at the Circus [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1634914
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	1. A Compromise

“Raine, I can’t find Allen anywhere.”

The woman looked up from her figures. This was the third time in as many days. _He’s probably at the graveyard again,_ she thought with a sigh. She knew he had to grieve on his own time, but she wished he could at least let them know when he was going.

_It’s only for a little longer,_ she told herself, getting up from the table. The circus would be moving on soon, and then Allen wouldn’t be able to wander off to Mana’s grave. “I’ll go get him.”

It was cold outside, and Raine drew her coat closer to her as she walked through the quiet streets. At least no one would be around to question why she was dragging a sobbing kid to the circus again. That had been a fun conversation with the police the previous day.

She turned the corner and scanned the graveyard across the street through the gates. _Yup, there he is,_ she thought, crossing and heading for the gate. Someone was kneeling with him, maybe a priest from the nearby church.

“Allen,” she called as she trekked up the hill. He didn’t answer, but she didn’t expect him to. He’d been asleep when she’d found him yesterday.

The man looked up, startled. “Who the hell are you?” he asked gruffly.

“Raine Sanders,” she replied. “Allen’s de facto guardian.” She moved to step around him and froze.

Allen—was that really Allen?—was slumped against the cross marking Mana’s grave, a huge gash over one eye and hair slowly losing color. Blood was splattered on the clown outfit Mana had made for him, and his hand, deformed and angry red, was in the open, glove forgotten. No, not forgotten, she realized as she spotted the tatters of his mitten caught in the brush nearby.

She took all this in, then rounded on the redhaired man. “What did you do?!” She grabbed him by the front of his jacket.

Cross smacked her hand away. “Nothing.”

“Nothing my ass,” she growled. She turned back to Allen, who was weeping softly. Hesitantly, she reached out and touched the gash. He didn’t even flinch. _Not good._ Raine pulled up the hood of his jacket, and careful to not jar him, she scooped him up in her arms.

Cross sighed and started after her. “He’s coming with me,” he said.

Raine didn’t stop her light jog toward the circus. “Like hell he is.”

“He’s an accommodator.”

“Is that supposed to mean something?”

“It means I’m taking him to train him as an exorcist.”

Raine glared over her shoulder. “Go die in a fire.”

Cross rubbed the back of his head. “Sticks and stones, ma’am. Sticks and stones.”

“Don’t care. Go away.” She rounded the corner to the fairgrounds and continued around the back of the big top, where the various trailers for the cast and crew sat.

Cross attempted to follow, but the animal tamer, Lionel, noticed Raine’s mood and stopped him. “Circus only, sir.”

“I need to talk to that woman,” Cross said.

“No, he doesn’t,” Raine called over her shoulder.

Lionel spun Cross around and pushed him back to the front of the tent. “I have to ask you to leave.”

Raine took Allen to the trailer he had shared with Mana and set him down gently as she could on the bed. “I’ll be right back, Allen,” she said. No response. _Not good at all._

She was only gone a few minutes, but when she returned with the first aid kit, the strange redhaired man was there. Raine gaped at him a moment, then kicked him as hard as she could in the back. “Who let you back here?”

Cross cursed as he stumbled forward. “What kind of monster are you?” He winced as he straightened.

“A trapeze artist.” She pushed past him and knelt before the still empty-eyed Allen. “This is gonna hurt, Allen,” she said, pouring some rubbing alcohol on a cloth. She dabbed at the gash on his face.

The first signs of life from the boy were not what she had hoped for. He let out a scream and fought to get away from her. She ducked his fist and grabbed his arms. “If you’re going to be in my way,” she snapped at Cross, “you could at least help.”

“You’re the one who doesn’t want me here.”

Raine scowled at him. “Help me, or I will feed you to the lions for trespassing, Mr. Exorcist.” Each word dripped poison.

Cross rolled his eyes and picked up the rag that lay abandoned on the bed next to the still struggling Allen. He didn’t try to be gentle as he cleaned the wound. Allen screamed, sobbed, gnashed his teeth, but Raine held firm, giving Cross the chance to finish wiping the blood away.

The wound was deep. It wasn’t bleeding heavily, but the edges were raw and livid. Raine didn’t think he’d need stitches, but she wanted to bandage it to prevent infection.

Allen whimpered, and his struggling lessened. Raine took the chance to release her hold on him to get what she needed from the kit and dressed the injury. “You did well, Allen,” she said, gently running her fingers through his now snow-white hair. “You’re okay.”

“He’s anything but,” Cross scoffed.

Raine didn’t allow her smile to slip, even as she told Cross, “Shut up or I’ll feed you to the lions anyway.”

A knock at the door interrupted their bickering. “Raine?” came their resident magician’s voice. “We heard screaming.”

“Allen got hurt pretty badly,” Raine replied, voice even. “He didn’t react well to me disinfecting the wound.”

A pause. “Should I get a doctor?”

“No, I think I’ve got it under control.” She sighed. Now that the worst part was over, Allen had returned to his previous vegetative state.

“It’s only going to get worse,” Cross commented.

“Lions,” Raine reminded him. She closed her first aid kit, then went to the suitcase she knew belonged to Allen. She rummaged around for some clean clothes. “Now kindly leave.”

Cross shook his head. “It’s not that simple,” he said.

“Oh yes, it is. You just go out that door and keep walking. Preferably until you reach the ocean and then keep going.”

“I meant about that brat.”

Raine turned to face him. “Then enlighten me, Mr. Exorcist.”

“He’s cursed.”

“I don’t believe in curses.” She resumed her search, found a clean shirt and pulled the muddy garment off over Allen’s head. The boy just sat there like a doll and let her do it. That worried her. Normally, this would be when Allen would fight tooth and nail and tell her to mind her own damn business.

Cross rolled his visible eye. “Do you even know what exorcists do?”

“Dispel demons,” she replied, buttoning up the pajama shirt she’d retrieved from Allen’s things. “It’s a load of hokum. Demons don’t exist.” At that, tears began streaming down Allen’s cheeks. She got a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at the tears. “There, there, Little One. It’s all right.”

His voice shook. “I did something terrible.” It was so quiet, Raine almost missed it. She cocked an eyebrow at Cross for an explanation.

Cross leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette. “He tried to bring Mana back from the dead and created an Akuma. Thus, the curse.”

Raine frowned. “The dead can’t come back.”

“You’re right; they can’t.” He took a deep drag on his cigarette. “The souls of the dead can only be placed into Akuma and forced to kill humans. That’s why we exorcists exist.”

Her frown deepened. “Kindly take your delusions and stuff ‘em.” She turned back to Allen and dabbed at his tears again. She returned to rummaging through Allen’s clothes and retrieved the pajama bottoms that went with his shirt. She’d hoped he would snap out of his funk to finish changing, but that seemed unlikely.

“I can take him off your hands,” Cross offered.

“Over my dead body,” she sneered, then hung her head. “Sorry, Allen, I didn’t mean it like that,” she told the boy.

“I can guarantee you’re not equipped to handle him.”

“We’re circus folk. We watch out for our own.”

“The same way that Cosimo did?”

She rounded on Cross. “How long have you been stalking this boy?”

He shrugged. “I prefer the phrase ‘watching over.’”

Raine sighed and returned her attention to Allen. “If you don’t want me to change your pants, say something.” No response. She sighed again. As she worked, she said to Cross, “What do you want from Allen, anyway? And none of that accommodator business. If that were the case, you’d have kidnapped him years ago.”

“That’s top secret.”

“Of course, it is.” She finished changing Allen and laid him down. The boy put up no fight. “Get some rest, Allen. You’ll feel better soon, I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

Raine ignored him and began to sing a lullaby. Cross watched as the boy began to relax and drift off. _This woman’s something_ , he thought, finishing his cigarette and feeding it to Timcanpy. Maybe she was equipped to handle Allen after all.

When Allen’s breathing evened out into an uneasy sleep, Raine quietly took Cross by the arm and led him out. The door closed, she dragged him along behind her to her own trailer, a sky blue one that served as her office.

“Sit,” she told him, pointing to the chair before her makeshift desk. “You’re going to tell me what you know, and you’re going to tell me the truth. Starting with what the heck that thing is.” She pointed at the winged golden sphere on top of his hat.

Cross sat in the chair she indicated and lit another cigarette. “It’s a golem.”

“Of course, it is.” Her tone indicated that she didn’t believe him.

“I’m surprised you wanted to know what Timcanpy is before you know my name.”

“I assumed it was Ass Hole.”

His lips twitched into a brief smile. “It’s Cross Marian. _General_ Cross Marian.”

She studied him a moment. “General? Like the military? I thought you were an exorcist.”

“Have you heard of the Black Order?”

Her brows knit together. “That’s that religious military organization, isn’t it?”

“So you’ve heard of it.”

“There are few in our line of work who haven’t run into their Tan Coats. They like to try pumping information out of traveling performers.”

They watched each other, waiting for the other to speak. After a minute, Raine spoke first. “Let’s pretend I believe you. Allen tried to bring his father back from the dead and is cursed. What now?”

“I understand that curses are painful. If we’re lucky, he’ll pull through this in a few weeks, and I’ll take him with me.”

“He’s not going anywhere,” Raine informed him. “I’m the closest thing that boy has to next of kin, and I say he stays here.”

Cross sighed. _Stubborn broad._ “And I’m not leaving without him. That boy is an exorcist. He needs training. If you kick me out, I’ll just keep coming back.”

They’d reached another stalemate.

“Maybe I should just feed you to the lions.”

His lip twitched into that same momentary smirk. “How much do you know about Allen?”

Raine leaned back in her chair. “That crazy clown Mana picked him up somewhere, named him after his dead dog, and they’ve been traveling together ever since. He’s a nice boy who loved that nutter dearly.” She eyed him. “I’m afraid my knowledge can’t stack up to that of a stalker.”

“Does the name ‘Neah’ or the phrase ‘the fourteenth’ mean anything to you?”

“When did this become your interrogation to run?” Raine leaned back in her chair. “I don’t think I’ve heard of either. What’s that got to do with Allen?”

_So she’s not a supporter._ This would make things more complicated. “That’s top secret as well. If you know nothing, that’s fine.”

Raine tilted her head, considering the general. “I think a compromise is in order.”

“Oh? And what makes you think you’re in any position to—”

“It sounds like Allen’s going to go through a lot worse shortly because of this ‘curse.’ Perhaps we can tag team to get him through it.” She leaned forward. “You’ll work for me and my circus until Allen’s back on his feet. Then we can ask him if he wants to go with you.”

“I decline.”

“No offense, General, but you don’t strike me as someone who’s good with people, let alone kids.”

“Hmph.”

Raine continued, “Besides, Allen knows me. He has no idea who you are.”

He gritted his teeth, and his cigarette bent between his lips. “Get to your point.”

“If Allen has to suffer,” she spelled out, “he’s going to stay here, and we’ll work together to make sure he gets what he needs.”

“And if he’s too much for you?”

“I don’t give up easily.”

Cross harrumphed. “You don’t know what you’re in for.” Regardless, he extended his hand. “But it looks like I have no choice, if I want to train that brat.”

She took his hand and shook. “You have a deal, _Mr._ Cross Marian. Would you like to work out the details now or later?”


	2. Caring for Allen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cross struggles with taking care of Allen and with other members of the circus.

“Raine, he’s screaming again.”

“Already on it.”

The circus had moved on to the next town and been set up for more than a week. On Cross’s suggestion, Raine had arranged to have Allen’s trailer the furthest from the big top, and it turned out to be a good thing. Shortly after they arrived, Allen’s every waking moment was agony. If he was awake, he was crying out in pain and thrashing about. Somehow, the cacophony never left the fairgrounds or reached the audience, and Raine grudgingly presumed that Cross might be the one responsible for that.

When she got to the wagon in question, the inside of Allen’s room was chaos, with Cross holding the boy down to keep him from hurting himself. The plate of food he’d brought earlier had already become a casualty of his latest fit.

“About time you got here,” he groused.

“I’ve got a circus to run,” she replied, closing the door behind her. “That’s why I hired you.”

That had been their explanation. Raine had hired Cross to be caretaker of Allen, who had been attacked by resurrectionists while visiting Mana’s grave. The boy, already traumatized by Mana’s death, was badly injured and pushed even further over the edge. There were grumblings from a few of the circus’s crew that she ought to dump the child off at an asylum or orphanage rather than waste resources, but the regulars among the cast were with her and had accepted the general into their fold.

“What happened to working together?”

Raine touched Allen’s cheek. He was burning up. “I’m here now, aren’t I?” She dipped a rag in cold water and wiped his face.

“Not helping,” he grunted.

“It’s a good thing you’re so strong.”

“Just sing for him already, would you?”

As she readjusted the cool cloth on Allen’s forehead, Raine sang the lullaby that had become familiar over the last few days. Slowly, Allen’s struggling lessened. His already hoarse shrieks quieted to small groans and whimpers. He still tossed and turned, but under Raine’s ministrations, he at last calmed down.

“Where’d you learn that song?” Cross asked, releasing the boy cautiously. Last time he’d let go too soon, Allen had almost broken his nose. “From Mana?”

“My parents sang it to me all the time when I was a kid,” Raine replied. She readjusted Allen’s blankets. “The first time Allen came here, he came down with something and I sang it for him. Mana must’ve picked it up back then, if you heard it from him.”

_So it reminds him of Mana,_ Cross thought. He eyed the boy warily. Raine’s presence alone also seemed to have a soothing effect, which was why she’d begun staying a little longer even after she’d calmed him down. They would talk a bit, and then she would have to leave to run the day-to-day business of the circus.

Allen’s eye fluttered opened again. Cross prepared for another fight, but Raine waved him off. “Get him something to eat, would you? I think he’ll be fine for a little bit.”

As he stomped through the fairgrounds to where their makeshift kitchens were, Cross lit another cigarette. As soon as Allen recovered, he was going to abduct the boy and be out of there. He had to admire Raine’s gumption, ordering a general about, but already he was getting sick of being saddled with the less desirable tasks involved in Allen’s care.

A few of the circus folk waved, but he ignored them. The cook, noticing Cross’s foul mood, kept the small talk to a minimum and gave him another bowl of soup on a tray. _That brat better be grateful._

Upon his return, he found that Raine had propped Allen into a sitting position with pillows and was running a comb through the boy’s hair, humming softly. She glanced over and pressed a finger over her lips. Allen’s eyes were closed, and the boy’s breathing was deep and even for the first time since he’d been cursed.

Cross scooted the nightstand a safe distance from the bed with his foot and set the soup down. He wouldn’t be making that mistake twice. Raine would already expect him to clean up the sad remains of the first attempt at lunch for the day. He’d do that later. If the brat was asleep, it was best not to wake him.

Raine continued to hum while Cross stewed in his irritation. Then, to his surprise, she bent and started collected the broken bits of crockery. She set them in the trash bin, then still humming, cleaned up the spilled food. That done, she gestured for Cross to follow her outside.

Once the door was shut, she leaned against it and breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, that was absolutely nerve-wracking.”

“I thought it was my job to clean up after that brat.”

Raine didn’t spare him a glance. “I figured I’d do it before you woke him up with your bad attitude.” She stepped away from the door. “I’ve got things I need to do. I’ll check on him again in a bit and see if he’s up to eating.”

“Don’t wear yourself out,” Cross called after her. He turned back to the door but realized that going back in might wake his charge. _Crap,_ he thought. _Now what am I supposed to do?_ His own stomach grumbled. He hadn’t eaten yet, as his lunch was among the destruction earlier. _Whatever. Guess I’ll eat._

“Tim, keep an eye on the brat. Let me know if anything changes.” His golem had been left behind inside. It could find a way out, if necessary.

If the cook was surprised by his reappearance, he didn’t say anything. The food tent was already emptying, though a few stragglers remained despite having finished with their food. That was fine with Cross.

Despite the forbidding aura he was giving off, someone still sat next to him. The mousy magician, Karos, in fact. The man couldn’t take a hint.

“How’s Allen doing?” he asked.

“Sleeping,” Cross replied noncommittally.

“Do you think he’s getting any better?”

Cross shrugged. The last time Raine had changed Allen’s bandages, the wound had been swollen to the point that the child’s face was practically unrecognizable. Somehow, he didn’t think Raine would want him sharing that detail.

“Do you mind if I talk to him? He always liked my card tricks. Maybe it’d cheer him up.”

“He’s not up for company.” The last thing he needed to deal with was resetting this idiot’s nose if he got too close and Allen flipped out.

“That’s a shame.” He pulled out a deck of cards and began shuffling.

“I’m not interested in card tricks.” Sleight of hand and magic tricks lost something when you could perform actual, real magic.

“It helps me think,” Karos explained. “You don’t have to play along if you don’t want.”

He sat with Cross for a bit, just practicing tucking cards away in his sleeve to make them disappear and reappear at will. Cross focused on eating; that boy could wake up any minute, and then he’d be back on the clock.

Eventually, Karos pocketed his card deck and asked the thing that must have been on his mind for a while. “Did you know Mana and Allen? I mean, before Raine hired you.”

“No.” It wasn’t quite a lie. He’d never spoken to Allen before that day he was cursed.

“Then why are you still here?” he asked. When Cross looked at him, he added quickly, “I-I mean, if Allen’s doing as bad as he seems, you can’t have signed up for that. Raine’s been running herself ragged, and that’s _with_ your help. I can’t imagine what you must be dealing with. You’d have to have a reason to stick around through that.”

Cross set down his empty bowl and lit another cigarette. “I have my reasons.”

“Related to the Black Order?”

His eye narrowed. “How much do you know?”

“I saw you that first day with your gold coat,” the magician explained. “Since I’m always dealing with crowds, I get questioned by the Tan Coats from the Order a lot, so I recognized the rose cross.” He leaned forward to get a better look at Cross’s face. “Are you guys interested in Allen?”

“Kindly don’t mention this to your friends.” The words might have been polite, but Cross’s tone was anything but. “Or the Order.”

Karos raised his hands in supplication. “I haven’t told anyone,” he said quickly. “My curiosity got the better of me. I won’t mention it again.”

Cross breathed out smoke. Karos cowered next to him, then asked, “Does Raine know about it?”

“We have an… understanding.”

Karos nodded and hurriedly stood up. “Well, I should be getting back to work. If you two need any help, be sure to let me know.” He bowed, then jogged away, not wanting to irritate the general further.

When Cross returned to his post and eased open the door, he found Allen awake and staring blankly ahead. _At least he’s not screaming_ , he thought as he picked up the soup. It had gone cold, but Allen wouldn’t notice or care. Probably.

At least, he wouldn’t care if Cross could get him to eat. This was always an exercise in frustration the general could do without. The past few times, he’d thrown his hands up and had Raine do it, as the circus’s leader had the uncanny ability to coax Allen into a lot of things. He wasn’t sure where this talent came from. Allen had always seemed indifferent toward the trapeze artist/circus manager when Cross had watched them.

He supposed it wouldn’t hurt to take a page out of her playbook. “You need to eat, Little One.” The nickname made his skin crawl. How was she able to keep a straight face, calling him something like that?

It didn’t even earn him a response. He scowled at Allen and presented the spoon of soup again. “I’m not going to coddle you, brat. Just eat.”

Someone took the utensil from his hand. “Little One,” Raine said, her voice gentle, “time to eat.” The boy opened his mouth obediently. She took the bowl and continued feeding him.

“How?” Cross demanded. “Why does he do what you want?”

Raine chuckled. “More flies with sugar than with vinegar, I guess.”

“I tried nice.”

“You’re a terrible actor.”

Cross watched as she cajoled Allen into eating it all. “Why do you care so much about that brat?”

Raine set the bowl aside. “You know how people say you have family you’re born with and family you meet along the way? Allen’s the latter. He grew on a lot of us, even if he was a bit of a brat. I’d like to think he’s fond of us, too.” A tired smile played across her features. “Who knows? Maybe he’ll start to like you, too. If you stop being a jerk, that is.”

* * *

Days turned to weeks, and slowly, Allen’s fever subsided. He no longer screamed or cried in pain, but he stayed huddled up on the bed, eyes open wide, barely reacting when anyone spoke to him. He rarely slept now, but when he did, it was plagued with nightmares. Raine had said to let him be, but Cross could tell even her boundless optimism was beginning to break down.

On this particular warm spring day, Cross’s patience was wearing dangerously thin as well. Allen had wet the bed again. He’d lost track of how many times this made, but the boy was eleven years old for crying out loud. Cross was a general. He should be off fighting Akuma or carrying out the fourteenth’s will, not scrubbing sheets and pajamas for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Are you sure I can’t help?” Karos asked, watching him rage against the washtub. “I could—”

“I’m _fine,_ ” Cross snapped. He wasn’t about to admit defeat. Not when that woman was able to keep smiling for that brat, even while juggling everything else. Somewhere along the way, this had become a competition, and the pettiness he felt just pissed him off more.

Someone strolling by said, “Geez, you’d think she’d dump the brat off by now.”

Cross didn’t look up from his task. He’d heard the malcontents in passing more than enough. They seemed to come out of the woodwork whenever the struggle of caring for Allen became apparent.

“I heard she had a thing for that clown.”

“Oho? Is that why she’s doing this?”

“Heh, she switched pretty quick to that redhead though.”

Karos stepped forward. “You’re wro—”

Cross grabbed the back of the magician’s coat and yanked him back. “Not worth it.”

“But—"

He pulled the clean sheets out of the washtub and flung them over the line. This wasn’t the first time the magician had tried to stand up for them, and it had just resulted in more weird rumors for a time. “If you have time to argue with idiots, go help the boss.”

“She told me to help you.”

“Hmph. Then you can help by going away.” With that, he went back to his charge.

Allen was right where he’d left him, still silently staring into space. This had been the case for the three months since the pain had stopped. The cursed wound had long since scarred over, but the scars on his heart ran deeper.

Cross sat in his chair and rubbed the back of his neck. “So you loved Mana that much, huh?” He wasn’t sure why he said it. It wouldn’t get a response. “C’mon Allen, do you remember what he always used to say? ‘Don’t stop. Keep walking.’”

A sound: a choked sob. It was so unexpected, Cross nearly drew his Judgment.

“Mana… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

* * *

“Allen spoke.”

Raine nearly dropped the small stack of papers she was flipping through. “Lionel, could you come back later?”

The animal tamer nodded and left. He glanced curiously at Cross’s as he passed. For such good news, he didn’t appear happy.

Once the door closed, Raine gestured for him to sit. Cross stayed standing. “He’s speaking like Mana,” he said. “I don’t think he even realizes it.”

A shadow passed over the troupe leader's face. Neither spoke for a time as Raine gathered her thoughts.

“I’ll miss that cheekiness of his,” Raine said at long last. “I would’ve liked to see him give you the tongue-lashing of the century when you tried to take him away.”

“You’re giving up? That’s so unlike you.”

A tired grin. “You’ve only just begun to see my stubborn streak.” She stood and stretched. “If acting like Mana helps him, then it’s fine. I’d rather him be alive and weird than semi-comatose.” Raine headed for the door, but hesitated, hand on the knob. “Is there any chance I could convince you to let Allen stay?”

“Trying to go back on our deal?”

Raine shook her head. “Just thought I’d check.”


	3. Exorcist Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cross begins training Allen and continues to suffer with the circus.

“Well, I’ll be! The smart mouth’s actually alive!”

“Allen, how are you feeling? We’ve all been really worried!”

Raine pushed through the little crowd that had developed outside Allen’s trailer, Cross close behind. The boy in question was standing in the middle of the group, staring wide-eyed up at the adults that surrounded him. When his eyes fell on Raine and General Cross, he glommed on to her and held on tight.

“Miss Raine—”

Her heart stung. Never in Allen’s short life had he called _anyone_ “Miss” that she knew of. That was something Mana always did, a habit that had always irked the youth before.

“—I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Wow, he’s become so polite,” one of those in the crowd, a clown named Judy, teased. “I think your part-timer needs a raise for civilizing him.”

Allen’s ears reddened. Then his stomach growled loudly, causing him to blush deeper. Raine patted him on the head. “That’s enough, everyone. Get back to work.” As the crowd dispersed, she took Allen’s hand. “Let’s get you something to eat. You must be starving.”

It was well after the lunch rush, but a few stragglers were still there, taking breaks. Upon seeing their boss, though, they darted off to get back to work. Once Allen was seated with whatever leftovers hadn’t been put away yet, Raine glanced at Cross.

The man was only pretending to ignore them by lighting another cigarette. _That’s not enough food,_ he thought. The boy was already polishing off what was there in record time. The Innocence in his hand had been activated, even if it was just once. It would be using far more energy than it had been, and after months of being half-starved, a plate with a couple thrown-together sandwiches wouldn’t sate him. He had been skinny even before his run-in with the Millennium Earl. Now, he was practically skeletal.

“Slow down, Allen,” Raine admonished. “You’ll make yourself sick.”

“Sorry, Miss Raine.” His pace slackened for maybe three bites before picking up again.

Deciding it not worth another rebuke, Raine turned her attention to what she was sure was on Cross’s mind. No one else was left in the tent, so they could speak freely. “Mr. Marian,” she said to Allen, “has something important to discuss with you.”

The boy swallowed the last sandwich. “About becoming an exorcist,” he said quietly.

Cross took a drag on his cigarette. “I’m impressed you remember.”

Allen nodded. He sneaked a quick glance over at Raine, then looked back at Cross. “Could we stay here at the circus?”

The general sat there a moment, speechless. “You want me to stay and keep playing errand boy for this woman?”

Sensing a fight brewing, Raine interrupted, “Now, now, Mr. Marian. You haven’t done anything here that you wouldn’t have had to do _alone_ somewhere else for Allen. With, I remind you, the added benefit of food, board, and pay.” At least, she hoped he would have done all that. Nursing Allen back to health had been trying enough with two people and not exactly in Cross’s wheelhouse.

Cross gaped at her. “You act like you did me a _favor_.”

“I kind of did,” she replied without missing a beat.

Allen piped up, “If it’s too much trouble for—”

“It’s no trouble at all, Little One,” Raine said, all smiles. She was back in her comfort zone: management and contracts. To Cross, she said, “Mr. Marian, how about another compromise?”

“The last compromise had me washing that brat’s sheets every day,” Cross growled. Allen ducked his head, embarrassed.

“As I said, you’d have been doing all that anyway. This way, you got a paycheck.”

The two stared each other down while Allen fretted beside them. Cross groaned. “Fine. But I have conditions.”

Raine beamed. “I’ll take them into consideration.”

“First, that brat is _my_ apprentice. I will teach him and treat him as I see fit. No interfering. Second, we will need time off from this circus if I’m to train him properly. Third, I want my own trailer. I’m sick of sharing space with the brat.”

“Reasonable enough,” she replied. “However, Allen is still my charge and a member of this circus. If your ‘training’ does more harm than good, I will have to step in. As for ‘time off,’ you’ll have the usual breaks, but if you need longer, I will think up odd jobs for you both to get away.”

Cross scratched the back of his head. “So I’ll be stuck running errands anyway.”

“Take it or leave it,” Raine replied simply. “In fact, you’re more than welcome to leave it. I still think this Akuma stuff is a load of hooey.”

“They’re real,” Allen said quietly. He was staring at his hand, the red one with leathery skin. His voice wavered ever so slightly.

Cross considered her offer. It wasn’t like he had any missions with the Order at the moment, and he hated that place anyway. If he laid low, he wouldn’t have to go back for a while. And with his first stipulation, he could make Allen do all of his work as well as long as it didn’t interfere with the boy’s own chores.

“And if Allen decides he wants to leave?” Cross asked at length. “Or should I say, has to?”

“He doesn’t have to leave unless he wants to,” Raine replied, “but when and if he does, I’ll allow him to.”

“Eventually, he won’t have a choice. As long as he’s my apprentice, we’ll have room to work, but eventually, the Black Order will want him to be a proper member of their ranks.” _And eventually, the Fourteenth’s memories will swallow him._ But he didn’t tell her that. Best to keep this woman at arm’s length from the truth.

Raine pulled Allen against her. “If they come for him before he’s ready to go, I will personally kick them all in the ass like I did you.”

Caught off guard, Cross gawked at the crazy trapeze artist, then began to laugh. “I’d love to see you try that.” Depending who they sent, that could be hilarious. An image of her punting Tiedoll across the fairgrounds came to mind. “We’ll do it your way.” He stood. “Brat, we’re going out.”

“It’s Allen,” he said, but he got to his feet anyway. He glanced back at Raine, who gave an encouraging nod, then hurried after his new teacher.

Walking away from the fairgrounds, Allen stuck close to Cross. The white-haired boy was drawing attention, which suited Cross’s purpose just fine. If he was to train the boy, they would need to find an Akuma for him to fight.

“Mr. Marian.” Allen pulled on Cross’s sleeve.

“What?” He looked down at the boy, who was white as a sheet and staring at something. The whites of his cursed eye had gone black.

“T-there’s something coming out of that person. A ghost.”

Cross followed his gaze. The streets were crowded, but the person Allen was watching quickly became apparent. It was a midshipman, standing apart from everyone and scanning the crowd with dead eyes. “Don’t stare,” Cross advised. “You’ll make it notice you before you’re ready to take it out.”

Allen’s eyes flicked up to his master. “What do we do?”

What indeed. Normally, walking around in his uniform would be enough to draw the Akuma’s attention, and then Cross would lure it to a more secluded area where he could let loose. There were other ways to get an Akuma to follow, though.

“Stay close, and stay quiet,” Cross said, starting forward through the crowd once more.

Allen followed behind, doing his best not to watch the Akuma as they passed within meters of it. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, and he could hear the heavy footfalls as they were followed.

“Sir,” came the clunky, unnatural voice of the Akuma.

Cross kept walking. Level Ones weren’t that smart, nor did their voices sound right. It would be easy to tempt this one away from the crowd and fairly low risk. Still, he fingered his gun just in case.

“Sir,” it repeated. _CLOMP, CLOMP, CLOMP._ “Sir.”

They were out of the crowded city center. No one else was around. Cross at last stopped and turned. All it had taken was to flash Judgment for it to come lumbering after them.

“Brat,” he said, putting a heavy hand on Allen’s shoulder. “Take care of it.” He gave the boy a rough shove.

Allen stumbled forward and tripped. His eye reacted once more as he stared up at the Akuma wearing a sailor’s skin. Floating just above the man’s head was the soul of a little girl, distorted and chained.

The longer he stared, the quicker the gasps of his breath came. _It’s not the same_ , he told himself. _It’s not Mana. I—_

The Akuma shed its human skin. It became large, bulbous, with cannons sticking out of its body every which way. Then all those cannons pointed at Allen.

_BLAM_.

Allen flinched back, fully expecting his own death. When death didn’t come right away, Allen opened one eye, then the other. The Akuma was full of holes. The chain binding the soul was crumbling, and the little girl was weeping with joy as she vanished.

Behind him, Cross lowered his gun. “Why didn’t you use your arm?”

“I don’t know how.” Allen gripped his bad arm. “It just happened before.”

Cross frowned. This was going to take a lot of work.

* * *

The next morning, Cross caught Karos after breakfast. “Got a minute?”

The magician started. “Y-yes?”

Cross shoved Allen forward. “Teach him some of your stupid card tricks.”

Karos and Allen both stared at Cross. “…Why?” Karos asked, suddenly suspicious.

“He needs to be able to use that hand of his.” Cross walked away.

Mortified, Allen apologized for the general. “It’s fine. I’m not sure I get what’s going on, but it’s fine.” Karos retrieved his well-worn deck from his pocket and began walking him through the steps for a simple sleight of hand.

When Cross returned an hour or so later, he found Allen standing on a chair, determined to build a giant house of cards, and a couple of the circus people watching and giving words of encouragement. There was also a plethora of bent up cards scattered on the ground, casualties in the quest for full control of Allen’s left hand. The hand had little in the way of dexterity, and occasionally while trying to handle the cards, he would crunch them without meaning to or they would slip out of his grip. His hands were shaking as he topped the tower successfully.

“Ha! Told you he could do it. Now cough up that shilling,” one of the clowns said, elbowing his neighbor. The sudden movement caused a gust of air that in turn caused the tower to collapse, much to Allen’s disappointment. “Ack, sorry Allen.”

“It’s okay.” Allen hopped down from his chair and began reassembling the deck.

“I thought you were teaching him card tricks,” Cross said, eyeing the magician.

Karos blanched. “Oh! Um, you said the point was so Allen’s hand would work better,” he gestured to the boy in question, “and I figured building a house of cards would help with that more than tucking things up his sleeve.”

“And Karos taught me this,” Allen added hurriedly, holding up the deck in one hand and then sending them in an arc to his other. He then bent the cards the other way and sent them back. Well, mostly back. At the last, he squeezed the deck too hard in his left hand and crumpled the few remaining cards. His face fell.

_At least he’s doing better than yesterday,_ Cross thought. The previous day, Cross had tried to make Allen tie knots backstage during the show, but that had required more of the Innocence-infused hand than was within his ability.

“All right, settle down everyone.” Raine had just entered, a stack of flyers in her arm. “I need a couple people to hand these out.” She scanned the faces of those present. “Jody, Judy, Allen, and Cross. Suit up and head out.”

Cross raised an eyebrow. _Suit up?_ Was that some kind of joke?

The clown siblings-in-name-only, Jody and Judy, looked just as flummoxed. They looked from Raine to Allen’s caretaker and back. “What’s he supposed to wear?” Judy asked.

Raine shrugged. “Find something in the odds and ends.”

“But he’s not a performer,” Jody pointed out.

Again, a shrug. She had set down the flyers and was consulting a to-do list for the rest of the group. “He just needs to hand out flyers. Make him up as a clown if you have to.”

Enough was enough. “I refuse.” All eyes were on Cross. “I’m not a clown.”

“Then they’ll find you something else,” Raine replied simply. She moved on to the next task on hand, effectively ending the conversation. “Karos, I need to speak with you about your setup before the show…”

Jody and Judy looked at each other. “Cowboy?” Jody suggested.

Judy shook her head. “Nah, I think we’ve got a wizard costume lying around. That might suit him better, since he’s got that weird mask he won’t take off.”

Cross’s lip twitched. “Don’t I get a say in this?”

The two in perfect sync lifted their arms in an exaggerated shrug. “You’re not a performer, so you don’t have a go to,” Jody explained. “Come on, let’s get ready.” She grabbed Cross’s arm and dragged him along.

Judy, meanwhile, smiled at Allen. “Shall we?” She took his hand and followed her not-sister.

* * *

“I’m not wearing this.” Cross was already shrugging out of the tacky blue robe.

“If you’re passing out flyers as part of the circus,” Jody said, digging through a trunk for the hat that went with the wizard ensemble, “you gotta look the part. Go with the flow, part-timer.”

Part-timer was how the regulars referred to the temporary additions to the troupe. Jody had already written him off as someone who wouldn’t stick around long-term. Accurate as it was, it still got under Cross’s skin somehow.

Having found the hat, Jody jumped up and slapped it on Cross’s head. “There. Warlock. Now sit tight while I get ready.”

Allen, meanwhile, was doing his best to stay still while Judy smeared on the makeup. “You don’t have to help me,” he said as Judy retrieved the red for his lips and nose.

“I like doing your makeup. You’re always so cute. Now close your mouth.”

Allen held still as she drew out his comically large lips and colored his nose. “But you need to do your own makeup.”

“I’ve been doing the same thing longer than you’ve been alive, kiddo. I can get mine done without a mirror in two minutes flat.” She picked up another color. “Close your eyes. I’m giving you some diamonds.” He did as he was told. “Aaaaand, done. You’re all set.”

Allen hopped up. “Thank you, Miss Judy. I really appreciate it.”

The female clown pulled Allen into a hug, squealing in delight. “You’re so adorable! It was no trouble at all.”

“Aren’t you two ready yet?” Cross barked.

Allen tried not to laugh. So did Judy, but she was far less successful as she said, “You look absolutely ridiculous!”

“And whose fault is that?” He was itching to get out of the costume already, and it hadn’t even been five minutes. It was too warm, and the fabric itched, particularly where the silver stars had been embroidered onto it. And worst of all, Jody had just informed him that he wasn’t to smoke while in the costume.

Jody appeared behind him, makeup and costume complete. “If you keep laughing, Judy, your face’ll be crooked.”

She wiped a tear from her eye. “Might be funnier that way.” But she stopped laughing and as promised, did her own face up in just under two minutes. “All right, ready to go?”

Jody lifted their bag of props. “All set.”

“I’m ready,” Allen said, holding the ball he always balanced on. He would borrow some of their balls to juggle.

Cross, meanwhile, just grumbled, “Let’s get this nonsense over with.”

The group found a park to perform in and set to work. Allen was bouncing on his ball as he juggled, while Jody and Judy threw each other bowling pins to attract a crowd. This left Cross to pass out the flyers, much to his annoyance.

_I’m a general,_ he griped internally over and over again. _I should be carrying out the fourteenth’s will or fighting Akuma. Hell, I’d take training that brat over this._

Occasionally, he’d find himself scanning the crowd for signs of Akuma. His eye would trail over to Allen, but the little clown’s face was a mask of joy as he entertained the throng of people before him. Any sign of fatigue or sadness was banished, and even when Cross saw the little clown’s cursed eye react, that jubilant veneer never wavered. Instead, he closed his eyes in a big laugh and twirled, catching all his juggling balls with a flourish.

There was applause from the gathered audience but for one individual, who was late and mechanical with her clapping. _Another Level One_ , Cross thought as he pushed the few remaining flyers on unsuspecting people.

Seeing they were out of flyers, Jody and Judy stopped throwing their pins and bowed. Allen did the same atop his balance ball and hopped down. “Make sure to come to the circus!” the senior clowns cried in unison. “We’ll be here through the end of next week!”

Another round of cheers. They stayed and waved a few more minutes as the crowd scattered. The Akuma was among those leaving.

Cross took off the pointed hat and wizard robe and threw them to Jody and Judy. “The brat and I have something to take care of. You go on ahead.”

“It’s still Allen,” the boy mumbled. For a moment, the mask of Mana he’d been wearing slipped, but only for a moment.

Judy and Jody looked at each other, then at Cross. “You can’t just wander off. We’ve got work to—”

Allen jumped in, “Miss Raine asked us yesterday to pick up some more rope. We’ll be back as soon as we get some.”

“In that case,” Judy pulled out a handkerchief and scrubbed the clown makeup from Allen’s face, “we’ll meet you back at the circus.” She accepted the wig when Allen handed it to her.

“We’ll be back soon,” Allen promised.

The exorcist and apprentice followed the Akuma as it strolled through the park. Allen didn’t try to hide his staring this time. He flexed the fingers on his left hand, wondering how he could make that claw reappear. Cross hadn’t been much help in that department, as his anti-Akuma weapon was a gun and not something he had to think about to make work.

When they were a safe distance away from other people, Cross picked up a stone and threw it at the back of the Akuma’s head to get its attention. It couldn’t have been oblivious to their presence, so it must have had enough sense to try and lead them somewhere it would have the upper hand. Better to shake up its plans.

The Akuma, a flower seller, turned and shed its human form. This time, Allen stepped forward before Cross could make him. The cross embedded in the back of his hand was tingling as he removed his glove. It glowed, and Allen felt a surge of power jolt through his arm as the giant claw flashed into being.

Cross stood back and watched as the boy raised his anti-Akuma weapon, though his fingers rested on his gun just in case. The precaution was unnecessary. Allen, as if on instinct alone, thrust his anti-Akuma weapon through the monster, destroying it before it could fire a single shot.

And then, the boy did something Cross hadn’t expected. He began to cry. Big blubbering tears. His arm deactivated as he scrubbed at the tears streaking down his cheeks.

Cross couldn’t remember the first time he’d destroyed an Akuma, but he thought he had been proud of the accomplishment. This reaction threw him for a loop. Maybe two.

“Brat.” Allen kept crying. Cross gritted his teeth. “Allen.” Frustration set in. He grabbed the boy’s shoulder. “Allen Walker, don’t ignore me!”

Allen, too stunned to continue his crying, stared up at Cross, wide-eyed. “That’s not…” he started, then stopped. He tried again. “Walker is… was… Mana’s name. I’m… I wasn’t family. It would be presumptuous of me to…”

_That’s what he focuses on._ Cross rolled his eye. Had Allen not heard how everyone at the circus referred to him? Mana’s boy. The Walker kid. Even Raine had once in passing referred to him as Mana’s only family. They all considered him Mana’s son. “That’s fine, ain’t it? It suits you.”

Allen’s face reddened. This brat was getting on Cross’s nerves, but at least he wasn’t bawling anymore. “Walker…” he murmured, as if saying the name for the first time. “Allen… Walker.”

Again, Cross rolled his eye and steered the boy by the arm. “Come on, that woman will feed me to the lions if we take too long getting back.”

“She wouldn’t really feed you to the lions. She used to threaten Mana that way too.”

She’d still read him the riot act, and Cross didn’t want his time wasted by a grumpy circus manager.

As they walked, Allen asked, “What happens to the souls trapped in the Akuma after they’re destroyed?”

Cross shrugged. “You’d know better than me. I can’t see them the way you can.” He thought about the answer a minute, then said, “When they’re destroyed, the trapped souls are freed.”

“So Mana’s went to heaven?”

Another noncommittal shrug. He wasn’t sure what happened after death, but if it made Allen happy to think that, he wasn’t about to disillusion him and face Raine’s wrath later.

Then Allen asked, “Does it hurt the Akuma when you destroy them?”

Cross had never considered this. What did he care if the Akuma were in pain when he destroyed them? It was kill or be killed. Judging by Allen’s morose expression, a shrug wouldn’t get him out of this one. “Was that why you were crying earlier? Because you were worried about that Akuma?”

Allen nodded. Cross rubbed his temples. _This brat…_ He settled on, “The Akuma can’t feel pain. They’re weapons created by the Millennium Earl.” He didn’t feel bad about possibly lying to Allen. The life of the exorcist came first.

The boy seemed satisfied with this answer.

* * *

This was life for almost a year. Raine would strongarm Cross into at least a little circus work each day, then he and Allen would go out searching for Akuma. The boy slowly became more confident in taking them on, and soon, Cross felt he could leave his apprentice to destroy them without lifting a finger. In fact, he would leave his charge to fend for himself these days and go off on his own for other, more enjoyable things to do.

It was on one such outing that Cross, having ditched Allen, ran into a Finder. He cursed to himself when the man saw and recognized him out of uniform. At least he had been able to ditch the accursed wizard outfit so there was no sign of the circus on him.

“General Cross,” the Finder had said, bowing. “The Order has been trying to get in touch with you for months.” He reached into his pocket and retrieved a black communication golem. This wasn’t anything new, as those assigned to finding Cross often carried an extra so that he’d have no excuse _not_ to get in touch with the Order for the brief period it took for him to casually destroy it by ‘accident.’

The message he received was simple, though the mission would be anything but. Find the Egg, the Millennium Earl’s Akuma factory, and destroy it.

Cross ran his fingers through his hair and heaved a sigh as he looked around the circus trailer he’d called ‘home’ for so long. He wouldn’t call it comfortable by any means, but he had gotten used to it.

“Mr. Marian?” Allen poked his head in. “Miss Raine is looking for you.” As he eyed the packed suitcase, concern flickered across his face.

The general bent and picked up his luggage. “I don’t work here anymore.” There was something satisfying about saying that.

“Are you leaving?” Though that’s what Allen asked, the real question was clear: _“Am I coming too?”_

“You’re staying here,” Cross said. “This mission is too dangerous. I don’t feel like dying because of you.”

The boy looked relieved, but also apprehensive. Was he concerned that now that his master was leaving, Cross would ship him off to the Black Order?

“I’m leaving you Timcanpy,” Cross said. The golem in question, now tiny, fluttered over and nestled into Allen’s white hair. “He’ll take you to the Order when you’re ready.”

That done, Cross left and didn’t look back. The brat was someone else’s problem now. A small part of him he would never acknowledge, though, was glad. Glad that Allen could spend more time with his found family before the Order, and eventually, the Fourteenth’s memories, claimed him.


	4. Ghost Clown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years later, Lavi and Lenalee are sent on a mission to find the mysterious ghost clown

As usual, Komui was sprawled out on his desk, snoring loudly, and as usual, it was up to Reever to wake him to give the pair of exorcists their mission. He had already tried shaking him and thumping him on the head, but with no success. That left the trump card, one that he hated to use whenever the sixteen-year-old girl in question was present. Dealing with her brother was hard enough on her without dragging her into the process of waking him up.

“I heard Lenalee’s getting married.” Now to stand back and—

“LENALEE!!!!!!!!!!” Komui was awake, out of his chair, and clinging to his sister sobbing within seconds. It would have been comical if it wasn’t so sad.

It took a few minutes to peel him away and calm him back down, but it was faster than trying to wake him up from his all-nighter-induced slumber. Once he was back to normal—as normal as the chief ever was, anyway—Reever handed the two exorcists present the details of their upcoming mission. Komui, meanwhile, tugged down one of the maps of Europe to show them where they would be going.

Lavi, green eye twinkling with interest, was already flipping through his booklet. “A ghost clown?”

“A ghost clown,” Komui confirmed. “Every time it shows up, all of the Akuma in a given area are destroyed. It’s appeared seemingly at random throughout all of Great Britain and Ireland, so it was a pain for our Finders to track down.” He pointed out different places on the map. “As it is, we’ve only been able to spot it once.”

Lenalee examined the blurry photo. The “ghost” appeared to be a teenaged boy about her own age with white hair and a scar slashed over one eye from forehead to cheek. The “clown” title probably came from the fact he almost looked like the foolish European white-face type of clown, the Pierrot. The most noteworthy thing about this person, even more so than the hair and scar, was the claw he had for an arm.

“Then how are we supposed to find him?” Lavi asked, studying the photo as well.

A proud smile broke out on Komui’s face. “I cross referenced each appearance with any notable events in the area, and found that with each appearance, a circus happened to be in town. A specific one, in fact.” He looked to his sister for praise and was rewarded with a smile and a “good job.”

A flyer for said circus was included in their packets. Lavi frowned at it. “Freedom Lights? Weird name.”

“We’ve had the Finders speak with the manager of the circus, a woman by the name of Raine Sanders, as well as some of the other performers,” Reever said, reading off another page. “The story they tell is that they had a clown who passed away in an accident a few years ago and suggested that if there is a ghost following them around, it might be him protecting the circus.”

“They only told us this _after_ our Finders insisted that the ghost showed up in every city they performed in,” Komui added.

Lenalee and Lavi exchanged glances. Komui didn’t need to tell them that this was extremely suspicious.

Komui then pointed to his map. “That circus will be arriving here in the next few days. You’ll be going and catching this ghost. We’re fairly certain that this ‘ghost’ is an accommodator, and in spite of what the circus says, that he’s one of them.”

* * *

Allen scanned the crowd as he balanced on his ball, painted face a perfect mask of clownish delight. His act had become more complex since mastering the use of his left hand a few years ago, and now he juggled a half dozen balls as well a few knives and juggling pins. It was second nature for the fifteen-year-old now, searching the crowds for any sign of Akuma while smiling and juggling.

Karos did magic tricks in front of him, ones that often ended with him making a flower appear with a flyer for their troupe. Jody and Judy alternated between their sibling clown routine and throwing flyers to anyone who seemed remotely likely to take one. They were having the time of their lives, and Allen was too, to an extent. It was the constant worry that an Akuma might interrupt their fun that kept him from going all out.

_Three. No, four,_ he counted, letting his eye rest on each one for only a second before moving on. He didn’t want the crowd nor his circus family to notice the way his eye darkened each time an Akuma came into view.

The flyers handed out and the final announcement made for the troupe’s upcoming performances, the group began to pack up. Allen pulled a jacket over his clown costume and wiped off the makeup. “Miss Raine asked me to pick something up, so I’ll catch up later,” he said, replacing his wig with a beat-up top hat—Mana’s hat.

“All right, we’ll see you back at the circus.”

They went one way, and he went the other, following the Akuma that were bunching together. They too were trailing after something, and that had Allen worried. Whatever they wanted, he would have to stop them before they got it.

It turned out, what they were after was a girl about his age. Her dark hair was pulled into pigtails, and when she turned a corner, Allen caught a glimpse of dark eyes and fair skin.

_No, not that way!_ Allen thought, picking up the pace. That alley she had turned down was a dead end. He knew because he’d used it as a trap for Akuma more than once the last time they’d been to this town a year and a half ago.

He caught up and activated his arm. Allen dispatched the first two Akuma in a single swipe. The third only had the chance to turn around and begin twisting its features when he destroyed it. The fourth and final one had finished its transformation but couldn’t fire a single shot before his anti-Akuma weapon smashed through it.

The girl didn’t appear startled by the sudden transformation of the human to a monster, nor by the sudden appearance of the rumored “ghost clown.” If anything, she seemed to have been expecting him.

Allen caught the sparkle of silver thread. Across the chest of her black uniform was emblazoned a familiar rose cross crest. _An exorcist?_ He had seriously underestimated this girl.

A pair of strong arms hooked under his armpits from behind, lifting him off the ground. “You know,” said a male voice with a laugh, “for a ghost, you were easier to catch than I thought.” Allen glanced back, his cursed eye meeting a green one. Not an Akuma. Just a redhaired young man.

If he was just a human, then Allen knew what to do. He kicked, the heel of his boot striking the man in the shin. Apparently, the redhead hadn’t expected that. His grip loosened just enough that Allen was able to get his feet on the ground to kick off into a backwards somersault. In midair, he twisted out of his captor’s grip and went over his head. Without missing a beat, he used the man’s back as a springboard and leapt away, throwing the man off balance in the process. The force of the movement should have knocked him on his face, but it seemed the redhead had anticipated it once Allen had gotten loose.

Allen landed on the uneven ground and felt his ankle roll. He winced and caught himself, but the damage was done. He’d have to get out of there fast.

With his good leg, he launched himself toward the roof and activated his arm once again. The claw sunk into the shingles, and he hauled himself up and over in one fluid movement.

Lenalee activated her dark boots and leapt onto the roof after him, but he’d already disappeared into the crowd on the main street below. She scanned the faces, but there was no sign of the white-haired boy with the scar down his face.

“Whelp, he got away,” Lavi said, brushing off the top hat Lenalee’s mysterious savior had dropped while escaping.

“I didn’t think he’d do something like that. It’s my fault for not going after him sooner.”

Lavi grinned. “Don’t worry, we’ll catch him at that circus. He’s definitely a performer there with moves like that, and I got a good look at his face. I’ll be able to recognize him even if that was a disguise. Besides,” he lifted the worn-out hat, “we need to return this to its owner.”

* * *

By the time Allen limped his way back to the circus, his ankle was swollen and throbbing. Noticing this, the strongman scooped him up on sight and asked no questions as he carried their youngest clown around back over his shoulder. He earned a few curious looks from some of the newer members of the circus, but all the old hats had accepted by now that Allen was a walking disaster area. He came home with strange injuries all the time, so a simple sprain was fairly normal for him.

The only one truly bothered by it was Raine. “What did you do this time?” she demanded. She had his foot on her thigh, prodding his swollen ankle to check for a break.

“I stepped in a rut and rolled it.” Allen winced. She’d poked a particularly tender spot.

Raine sighed and began binding the injury. “It’s a sprain. You’ll have to stay off it for a few days.”

Allen’s face fell. “But what about the show?”

“We’ll manage. Think of it as your punishment for being an idiot.” She finished wrapping his ankle and foot. Raine took a quick stock of those around them, and finding no one within earshot, asked in a low voice, “Did you at least get them all?”

Allen nodded. “I took care of what I could see. There might be more, but we should be okay.” He sat back. His ankle was throbbing. “There might be a bit of a problem though.”

Raine vacated her chair and gestured for Allen to prop up his foot. He did so gratefully. “What kind of problem?”

“Some exorcists might have seen my face.”

“Might have?”

“They definitely saw my face,” he admitted sheepishly. “And I dropped Mana’s hat when I ran away.”

Raine slapped her forehead. “If anyone asks about you, we’ll redirect them like always. I’ll see if I can get your hat back. We’ll say it’s Karos’s and someone took it.”

“Thank you, Miss Raine.”

“Just Raine.”

“R-right. Raine.” Though the lack of _Miss_ made him uncomfortable.

Satisfied, Raine closed the first aid kit. “Stay off that foot,” she reminded him, knowing full well that he would try to do too much too soon again. He always did.

“Can I watch the show?” Allen asked. He could hear the cacophony of their patrons’ voices on the far side of the tent.

“From the wings. Don’t forget you’re on the lamb.”

* * *

Outside the big top, Lenalee and Lavi slipped into the crowd milling about waiting for the show. The smell of popcorn and cotton candy filled the air, but they were more interested in the handful of people working for the circus. A magician was magically revealing people’s cards from behind their ears. A fortune teller was reading the tarot for a small group of women. A handful of clowns were selling tickets.

“No sign of him yet,” Lavi whispered, but he hadn’t expected to see him straight away. He wasn’t sure that the ghost clown would show his face at all during the show, but from what little he knew about the behind the scenes in a circus, if their target was a performer for the circus, he’d be working whether he wanted to or not.

Lenalee considered asking the clowns whether they knew anything as they bought their tickets but dismissed the idea quickly. This circus had been tightlipped in the last few years in general, but according to the Finders, the ghost clown rumors had made them clam up all the more. They wouldn’t tell the exorcists anything, even though they had made sure to change out of the uniforms that marked them as members of the Order.

Once inside the tent, Lavi found them seats a few rows back so they wouldn’t be obvious, but still close enough that he could see the faces clearly. There was an excited chatter around them as adults and children talked about the performers they’d seen earlier. One conversation in particular caught Lavi’s attention.

“That one clown earlier was kind of cute, don’t you think?” a young woman behind them said with a giggle. “Hope he’s in the show tonight.”

“Wait, you mean that one with the street performers?” her friend asked.

“Yeah! That Pierrot with the ball stuck to his head. He was so elegant while performing, and I got a peek of him without his makeup.”

“You did?! That’s awful! Don’t you know you’re not supposed to see their faces?”

“It was so worth it.” She let out a contented sigh. “If not for that scar on his face, he’d have been perfect.”

Scar on the face. _Jackpot._

“Nothing a little makeup can’t hide,” the friend replied with a laugh. “I couldn’t tell he had a scar at all.”

Lavi made a mental note. _Street performing Pierrot with a ball on his head. Can’t see the scar under his makeup._ He’d need to watch the clowns especially. There was no guarantee that he’d be using the same costume, but Lavi had heard once that clowns practically trademarked their personal style, so there was a good chance.

It wasn’t long before the show started. A woman stepped forward in a flashy top hat and tails, welcoming them all, and before she’d even exited the center ring where she stood, a collection of animal cages was wheeled out in the left most ring. The lion tamer cracked his whip and led animals of all shapes and sizes through their paces. Lenalee gasped when he stuck his head into a lion’s gaping maw.

“Never been to a circus before?” Lavi asked, watching the tamer set a dog on the lion’s back with mild amusement.

“No, never.” She then said, a hint of guilt in her voice, “I should be keeping a better eye out for our ghost, shouldn’t I?”

“I’ve got that covered. You should enjoy the show.” Lavi scanned the clowns that had just run out in the rightmost ring with trampolines and other assorted props. None of them were the correct height for their target.

The clowns did their tricks and slapstick, and then in the center ring, a magician appeared in a puff of smoke. His act ranged from the stereotypical magician routine, like pulling a rabbit out of his hat and making scarves multiply as he pulled them from through his hand, to the flashy, like making a clown who had “stumbled in too early” disappear by throwing a curtain over him. Lavi was almost more entertained by the astonishment on Lenalee’s face. Almost.

Act after act came out on stage. Another clown routine took over the outermost rings, this one more acrobatic and skill-based than the previous pie-throwing gag-filled one, which was then followed by a tightrope walker dancing on the high wire above their heads. Then a knife thrower brought them back to the center ring, followed by a man breathing fire.

At last, their eyes were drawn back above them, where trapeze artists swung from swing to swing. The crowd watched in awe as the woman flew threw the air, flipping and spinning before catching her partner’s hand. The seemingly death-defying leaps (there was a net to catch them below) continued until at last, the rest of the circus hurried out into the center ring. The woman sailed through the air for one last stunt, and then let herself fall down into the net, where she bounced and landed, neatly, onto the shoulder of the strong man.

The circus waved as the audience cheered. Lavi took the chance to find their ghost. He wasn’t among the performers, but he thought he spotted someone briefly watching from the wings. Someone with white hair and a scar.

Lavi nudged Lenalee with his elbow, and when he had her attention, gestured for them to sneak around back. She nodded, and they slipped out of the audience.

There was still enough of the crew to stop them before they could get far, though. A stagehand grabbed them by the collar and demanded to know what they were doing there.

“We wanted to speak with the manager?” Lavi said, putting on his best disarming smile.

While Lavi acted as distraction, Lenalee glanced around the fairground. The stagehand must have noticed anyway because he stepped in front of her, blocking her view.

“Looks more like you’re trying to be nosy,” he said, frowning at them.

“We found a top hat,” Lenalee said quickly. “I think it belongs to one of your performers.”

The man held out his hand. “Oh, Karos’s hat. I can get it back to him.”

“We didn’t bring it with us,” Lavi said, feigning sheepishness. “Mind if we let him know we found it?” He made a mental note: _Clown’s name is Karos._

“He’s busy cleaning up after that magic show of his,” the man said. “Drop it off tomorrow. I’ll let him know you stopped by.”

_Okay, not Karos. The ghost clown must have warned them._ Hiding his thoughts with a big grin, Lavi nodded. “All right. Thanks for your help.”

* * *

Somehow, Allen had convinced Raine to let him hand out flyers the next day. Once in costume, it was easy to convince Jody and Judy that he was fine to do his normal clown act. As long as he was careful, he’d be fine. He didn’t want his being an exorcist to cause Raine trouble by getting in the way of his circus duties, and he wanted to watch for Akuma, just in case. Clowning around was the only way he could do this without being obvious about his people-watching.

Things were going great until he spotted them in the crowd. The two exorcists weren’t wearing their uniforms today, but the Chinese girl and tall redhead still stood out.

_Just keep smiling_ , Allen told himself.

“Excuse us,” Lavi said. “We found something that belongs to one of your performers yesterday and wanted to return it.” He gestured to the hat in Lenalee’s hands.

He had said this to Allen, but Judy was the one who answered. “Oh yeah! Karos’s hat. Thank you for finding it.” She waved over the magician. “They found your hat!”

Lavi’s eye didn’t leave Allen’s face. _He’s the right build, correct height, and his eyelashes are white._ The facial structure also matched the one he’d seen the day before. The only question left was whether his makeup hid the scar.

Lenalee, meanwhile, was surprised by the magician’s approach. “Oh, no, I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” she said quickly. “The person who dropped this was our age with white hair.”

Allen kept smiling and juggling, even under Lavi’s watchful stare. There was no way they recognized him in his costume and makeup. Without thinking, he hopped from one foot to the other and paid dearly.

His bad ankle gave a painful throb and gave out. He lost his balance and toppled over. To add insult to injury, each of the six balls he’d been managing flew up in the air and came back down to bop him rather comically on the head one by one.

There were mutters from the crowd. Allen waved to them, face still a mask of happiness, then tapped himself on his forehead lightly with his knuckle, tongue sticking out of his mouth in a comical way. This earned him a few chuckles, and Judy and Karos hurried to draw their attention so Jody could check on their young coworker.

“You okay, Allen?” she asked, offering a hand to pull him up.

“I’m fine. Just lost my balance.”

The clown eyed him suspiciously. “That’s unlike you.”

“I’m fine, really.” Allen got back to his feet and winced as he put weight on his ankle.

“Looks like you sprained your ankle.”

Lavi had appeared right next to them in that way only the junior Bookman could manage, causing them both to nearly jump out of their skin. He grinned up at them. “So your name’s Allen?” he asked the person who was most certainly their clown.

Lenalee offered his hat. “You dropped this yesterday,” she said. As they’d walked over, Lavi had shared his suspicions about the clown.

“Isn’t that Karos’s hat?” Allen lied.

“Nope, definitely yours,” Lavi replied.

Allen’s poker face was lacking. If he wasn’t juggling or clowning around, he was pretty easy to read even with his face coated with makeup. “That definitely belongs to our magician.”

Changing tactics, Lavi said, “You sure you should be standing on that bum ankle? Looks like it’s hurting pretty bad.”

“I’m fine. I’ve had worse.” To Jody he said, “I should probably head back.”

The clown nodded. “I’ll ask Karos to take you back—”

“No need,” Lavi said, grinning. “We were just heading that way. I could carry him.”

This exorcist wasn’t going to give up. Allen could see that, but after a few years of living with the circus, he had developed a stubborn streak almost as bad as Raine’s. Even if he was more polite about it than she was. “I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you,” he said, clownish smile back on his face. “I’m sure you have more important things to do than helping me out.”

“It wouldn’t be any inconvenience at all,” Lavi insisted. “We’re already going that way.”

Allen tried again. “You’re so much taller than me. I wouldn’t want you to have to bend down to lend me your shoulder.”

This didn’t faze the exorcist either. “I can carry you. You’re pretty light.” And he would know. He’d picked up Allen the previous day. “Or Lenalee could lend a shoulder, if you don’t want a piggyback ride.”

Allen was about to say something else when Jody stepped in. “Allen, stop being stubborn and just accept the help,” she cried in exasperation.

And thus, Lavi was carrying an unhappy clown on his back to the circus. “So, Mr. Ghost Clown,” the junior Bookman said cheerfully as they walked, “how did you learn about the Akuma?”

“I don’t know anything about the ghost clown,” Allen said, trying to play dumb again. “And what’s an Akuma?”

Lavi just reached back and tugged off his wig, revealing a tangle of snow-white hair. “Try again, Mr. Ghost.”

Allen sighed. “Someone named Cross Marian taught me.”

Lenalee did a double take. “You were General Cross’s apprentice?”

Confusion was apparent on Allen’s face. “General?” That certainly explained that man’s attitude much of the time.

“You didn’t know?”

Allen shook his head. “No. I knew he was an exorcist, but Mr. Marian never mentioned that he was a general.”

“If he was training you, how’d you end up being a clown? Did he sell you off to the circus to pay off his debt or something?” Lavi joked.

“I always was a clown. He had an important mission and told me to stay put.”

That took Lenalee by surprise. “Why didn’t he take you to the Order? Or contact us about you?”

Allen shrugged. Cross had left Timcanpy so Allen could make his own way eventually, but he couldn’t say why his master hadn’t sent him there straight away.

They reached the circus and earned many a curious look as they headed around back. Allen, meanwhile, earned Raine’s wrath.

“Allen, what’s this?” she asked, an irritated smile plastered on her face. She wasn’t about to tear into him in front of potential audience members, though she was very close to it. “I thought I told you just to hand out flyers today, not perform.”

The clown in question couldn’t look her in the eye. “I was trying to be careful, but…”

“It was our fault,” Lenalee said quickly. “We started talking to him, and—”

“No, it’s definitely his fault.” Raine gestured for them to follow her to a corner of the fairgrounds.

Once there, Raine began to fuss over her charge. She rolled up his pantleg to check the injury. “Thank you for bringing him back here,” she said to Lavi and Lenalee.

“It was no trouble,” Lavi replied. “It was kind of our fault anyway.”

“He sprained it yesterday,” Raine replied. “You didn’t cause it.”

“We… kinda did.”

Raine looked up, startled. Then she quirked an eyebrow at Allen as if to ask, _“Are these those exorcists?”_

In answer, Allen wiped off his clown makeup with his sleeve, making his scar clearly visible. “They’re from the Black Order,” he explained. “They saw me yesterday, and I sprained my ankle when I ran for it.”

“Then I suppose you’ll be taking Allen with you back to the Order.” It wasn’t a question. Her tone was resigned.

A small pang gripped Allen’s heart. “I can’t go.”

“You can’t?” Lavi glanced at Lenalee. Was that allowed?

“I can’t. I, uh, owe a big debt to this circus.”

“If it’s monetary, the Black Order can pay it for you,” Lenalee explained.

“But if I leave…” Allen wracked his brain for a good excuse. “I’m one of the best clowns here. If I leave, they’ll lose—”

Raine thumped him on the back of the head. “Don’t make me sound like a slave driver,” she scolded. “We managed before you came here; we can manage when you leave.” Her face softened. “We’ll miss you, but you’ve been working hard as an exorcist this whole time. I don’t want you to give up on that just because you’re worried about us.”

Cheeks burning, Allen looked away. Just in time to spot an Akuma with his cursed eye. “Get down!” he shouted, activated his arm and pushing Raine behind him.

The sound of canon fire rang out. A sharp, hot pain tore through Allen’s shoulder. There were screams from the other circus performers as they fled. Allen scanned the area. No one else was hit. His breath caught as the Akuma’s poison coursed through his veins. Black stars began blooming all over his skin. His arm deactivated as he lost focus from the white-hot pain.

“Allen?” Raine reached a shaky hand toward the injury.

“Don’t touch it,” Lenalee said, grasping the circus leader’s wrist. “You’ll get infected.”

“But—”

Allen struggled back to his feet. “It’s okay, Miss Raine.” The stars were already receding thanks to his Innocence.

“Good catch,” Lavi commented, now wielding a large hammer that he’d used to repel the bullets for himself and Lenalee. “You’ll have to tell us how you did that later.” He spun the hammer, hit a glowing symbol in the air, and sent a pillar of flame spiraling at the Akuma, torching the level one and reducing it to dust. The rest of the fairgrounds were left untouched.

“What’s all this then?”

The group turned. Hurrying over were two officers, followed close behind by Lionel.

“The cop on the left,” Allen muttered, staring at the soul attached to the officer.

“Eh?” Lenalee glanced over at Allen. His eye had gone black.

Allen’s gaze didn’t waver. “He’s an Akuma too.” He gritted his teeth. The Akuma’s toxins were almost purified, but his arm couldn’t handle both cleansing his blood of the virus and fighting at the same time. “You need to stop it before it hurts them.”

Lenalee nodded. As she stepped forward, her boots activated.

In response, the Akuma began to twist and distort. It didn’t bother fully transforming into a monster. Instead, half its head became a gun pointed straight at the young woman. Or at least, it pointed at where the exorcist once stood. Confused, it looked around, and that was its last mistake.

In the blink of an eye, Lenalee had destroyed it with a kick.

It took a moment for the real officer and Lionel to react, but when they did, they screamed and scrambled away. Lenalee turned to the officer, who was in a panic and reaching for his gun and said, a smile on her face, “I’m Lenalee Lee, exorcist of the Black Order. I’m sorry for startling you.”

“B-Black Order?” the cop repeated.

“Yes, the Black Order.” Lenalee deactivated her boots and offered the man a hand. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

Lionel, meanwhile, hurried over to Raine and Allen. “Are you both okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” Raine said.

Allen winced as he touched the hole in his shoulder. “I’ll be fine eventually.”

“You’ve been shot!”

It was tough not to laugh or give a snarky reply. Instead, Allen just smiled pleasantly and said, “It’s not the first time.”

Raine grabbed his good arm and pulled him down to her level, where she still had the first aid kit from earlier. “Is it safe to touch now?” she demanded.

Allen blinked. “It should be?”

“Good.” She pressed gauze to the wound to stanch the bleeding. “Hold on to that for a second.” As Raine busied herself with the bandages, she said to Lavi, “Can Allen stay through the show tonight, at least?”

“I don’t see why not,” he replied, frowning, “but it’s not like he can perform like that, right?”

She didn’t respond to him. Instead, she’d shifted focus to the circus animal tamer, “Lionel, tell the others to get a going-away party together for after the show.”

Allen’s face went bright red. “You don’t have to do that!”

“I want to. Besides,” she added with a wink, “we like any excuse to party.”

* * *

Once the show was over, every member of the circus gathered in the food tent. A huge banner reading “Good Luck, Allen!” hung above the festivities. Bottles of wine and whiskey and pints of ale were passed around, and despite the last-minute decision to have the celebration, someone had been able to get a big cake for the occasion.

Allen’s face was on fire as his circus family wished him well, and Lavi was having a good laugh at his expense. “Are they always like this?”

“You should see them at Christmas,” Allen replied, sipping the sparkling juice they’d given him to hide his embarrassment. Raine insisted he was too young to drink, and after the amount of times Cross had been drinking while training him to be an exorcist, Allen didn’t mind the excuse not to partake. Part of him wondered if she knew his aversion and did it on purpose.

Lenalee couldn’t help the smile that touched her lips. “I think it’s sweet.”

Lavi chuckled. “I think you’ll be right at home at the Order. They’re all a little crazy there, too.”

The festivities eventually wound down, and Allen followed Lavi and Lenalee with his few belongings packed up. Timcanpy, sitting on his head, tapped Allen with his tail to get his attention.

He looked up at the golem, then turned to see Raine. She strolled up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Be careful out there, Little One,” she said before pulling him into a bone-crushing hug.

“I’m not little anymore.”

“You’re still shorter than me,” she teased. Her smile was sad despite the lightness of her voice. She gave him another squeeze. “If this exorcist thing doesn’t work out, we’ll always have space for you here.”

He smiled and pulled away from her hug. “Take care.”

Lenalee and Lavi were waiting up ahead, and he jogged to catch up, ankle be damned. He stopped a moment when he reached them, turned and waved one last time to Raine, then followed them to the train station.

“’Little One’?” Lavi asked, not trying to hide the snicker.

Allen pulled the brim of Mana’s hat low and turned his head to hide the faint blush on his cheeks. “Miss Raine’s known me since I was seven. It’s hard to escape a nickname like that.” Even though it was embarrassing, it still made him a little happy, knowing she still thought of him as that bratty little kid she’d taken under her wing after Mana’s death. He was still part of that family he’d found himself a part of along the way.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a couple of fanfictions on Fanfiction.net a while back about Allen and Mana that canon kind of ruined, but I decided to play around with the OCs I had made for those fics again and bring you an AU of Allen's childhood. Plus, it's kind of fun, having someone who won't put up with Cross's BS.
> 
> If you want to check them out, they can be found here:  
> For the Moment: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4936586/1/For-the-Moment  
> Grief is a Heavy Burden: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4938856/1/Grief-is-a-Heavy-Burden


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